I guess my first blog post should be something that was such an honor for me. Something that I truly, never thought would happen, nor would I have even imaged I would be apart of.
Certain things in your life, you think back and you wish certain things would've been different. How you might have said something, did something, reacted to something... well I got to change that. I was able to have the chance to have another shot so to say. It was nothing either of us did, more so what others did to us, to our relationship.
My sister.
Many don't know that I am the youngest of seven kids. I have an older sister who is a year older than me, crazy right?
Before I ever met my sister, I wanted that sister relationship. You know the one where you lay on each others beds, talk about boys, go shopping, argue about wearing each other's clothes. Yeah, that type of sister/relationship. Well, I never got that, unfortunately. She never got that either. We were pinned against each other in a sense from outside people. Not getting close to a sister your age, it hurts. It's confusing and it down right sucks.
Over the years, we stayed in touch - vaguely. Never reached out to one another, other than the occasional comment on a post, or a happy birthday comment.
Then finally, a few years ago I took the leap to reach out, we talked briefly but it didn't stick. I think we had to much going on, new families, COVID etc..
Well, a few months ago, I finally reached out again and we both talked, we voice messaged, we sent paragraphs. Apologizing, catching up with our lives, and letting each other know we wanted this relationship more than anything. Yeah, we missed so many years of our lives together, but we can be sisters still and aunts to our nieces and nephews.
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And then,
She asked me to be her photographer for her wedding day.
I honestly was shocked. I truly didn't know if I should or not at first. I went over it with my husband, mom and grandma. I was terrified! What if I mess up on the photos, or she just doesn't like my "vibe" anymore.
My husband encouraged me, as did my mom and grandma, to do it. She asked, she feels comfortable enough, and I know what I'm doing, so just do it. So I did. I sent the contract over.
We did their engagement sessions first, and man was I nervous. I hadn't seen her since the summer of 2014 at our brother Mikeys house and it was brief. We sat outside smoking cigarettes, something we both grew up around unfortunately.
It was such a relaxing time, fun. and just a good time honestly. My soon-to-be brother in law was also hilarious and we hit it off immediately.
Afterward, she sent me a text saying she was so comfortable and excited and that made my heart so happy.
Having a sister, is honestly something every girl should have and I hate that we went this long with not having a relationship.
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The day came for her to be married.
I walked in the bridal suite like I usually do and set my gear down. If anyone knows me, I bring so much to weddings, my bestfriend/second shooter makes fun of me all the time for it haha. I started going to work right away, taking detail photos, photos of them finishing up getting ready, I head over to the groomsmen, and when I headed back to my sister... and seeing her being put into her dress; I didn't think I was going to cry, but I did. I literally cried. Not because of just she was so beautiful but because she was allowing me to be such a prominent roll in this beautiful moment of hers and with us building our relationship back.
I hugged her, and told her how beautiful she looked, and then hugged her mom, as she's known me since a baby and then continued doing my job.
As we're moving through the timeline all started going well, until we got to reception, and the announcements came in and for some reason I started to think of my own wedding again. I felt guilty for not inviting her, but more importantly, I felt sad, I felt sad for not just myself because I was in the same boat, but because my sister also didn't get the opportunity to dance with our dad. Not because he's not with us anymore but because we both had to make that decision of moving on in life from him. I snapped a few photos of her dancing with her grandfather, the grandfather who has been there for her, same as my grandfather was there for me in replacement of our dad.
I had to turn away for a second and gain my composure. She looked so happy, so I absolutely didn't want to put my grief onto her if she didn't feel the same way.
Apart of me wanted to give her one dance as well, I saw this TikTok video where the sister-in-law being, married into the family, gave her first dance with her dad, to her now sister-in-law because she didn't have her dad at her wedding either to dance with. I was thinking it would be a sister dance. The dance neither of us got. But, again, I didn't want to impede on the day! This was her day, and she deserved to be the beautiful bride, as she was.
I am so thankful my sister allowed me to capture her beautiful day. To be there by her side and to help her through everything that day. It meant the absolute world to me and to also be accepted back into her life as well.
Growing a relationship when you're older v. younger can be so hard, but I think we're onto something, and we truly want to be around each other's lives.
Here's to the future sister diaries.
